It has been widely discussed that Alzheimer's and dementia are family diseases. We all know that while a person with dementia can be well cared for and spend their days well and often unaware of their condition, the primary caregiver, who is often a spouse or child, finds themselves in life circumstances filled with stress, tension, multitasking, mental difficulty, and the experience of loss as a result of the disease.
A leaflet from Clalit Health Fund addressed to primary care providers states, among other things:
"For family members who serve as primary caregivers, the stresses may manifest themselves in the following ways:
Anger, bitterness, helplessness, a sense of loneliness, social isolation, and even depression. In this situation, unresolved conflicts arise in parent-child or couple relationships. These may intensify and create anxiety and frustration. Sometimes, unexpressed wishes arise for the person in need of treatment to be hospitalized in an institution, or for his death, which are accompanied by feelings of guilt for the very thoughts. It should be known that thoughts
These exist in many primary care providers, and this is a natural phenomenon."
The EMDA Association does a lot to make things easier for the primary caregiver and family members. The association provides support through a variety of channels – support groups throughout the country, the Telem Project for individual support, a hotline, the option of telephone counseling and Zoom counseling.
We usually advise primary caregivers to take care of themselves and their well-being – to take care of their quality of life through therapeutic support or social gatherings, recreation and vacations; to expand the circle of helpers from within the family; to use external help that can be purchased with money or rights.
In the following lines, we will discuss another option that can support coping: using mindfulness to benefit the primary caregiver's quality of life.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness in Hebrew is attentiveness. And the definition of mindfulness, according to Jon Kabet-Zinn, the creator of the method, is: "Awareness that arises from bringing attention from moment to moment in a deliberate and non-judgmental manner." In other words, it is essentially about attention. Attention as a measure of the quality of the experience. Not doing things casually, but with full intention.
In the busy lives of modern Westerners, we often operate on “autopilot.” We don’t really stop to think or feel. We don’t really pay attention to our actions and don’t really feel through our senses. Does the food taste good to us? Are we comfortable in the chair we’re sitting in? When something hurts in our body, we push away the feeling of pain in order to continue functioning, and in doing so, we actually amplify it. Because that’s the job of pain – to call us to listen.
This is exactly where mindfulness comes into the picture. Mindfulness has a profound healing effect. Paying attention to the tension, pain, sadness, frustration we feel, along with breathing, and listening to our breathing, allows us to connect with ourselves to let go of the chaotic race of life, to be in the moment. By listening to what is present in our present. We manage to let go of the tension and discover a new perspective on reality.
When we practice mindfulness, we observe our thoughts. When we observe our thoughts, we find that many of them are about the past and the future. We regret or
We rejoice in things that happened in the past, wonder if we could have fixed something or done it differently, and we plan or fantasize or worry about the future. But these disturbing thoughts about the past and the future prevent us from experiencing the present, which alone creates reality, as it is here and now. Only the present is not affected by our inner states and mental inclinations.
And our emotionality about our inner story as we have shaped it over the years.
Mindfulness practice directs the practitioner to the present. Not to worries about the past or to anxiety about what the future will bring. And the present – the present is full of voices and sensations, emotions of all kinds. Sometimes the present is pleasant and sometimes it is not easy to bear, it is a struggle, but always staying in the present expands the ability to know the knowledge that “now it is like this.” Now. Not always. Whether the present is pleasant or difficult. The moment is fleeting. The good and the pleasant turn into suffering and pain, but these too turn into suffering and God forbid. And what is happening now is happening only now.
Mindfulness practice should be done out of inner generosity and broad-mindedness. Leave judgment aside, agree to listen to every issue that the body-mind-mind-emotion brings up to us from the unconscious to the conscious. Do not push away. Listen. Do not cling. Let every thought come and go. Allow flow.
Because flow and change are the focus of reality.
How does it actually work?
Sit comfortably in a pleasant place and close your eyes. Listen to your breaths. Don't slow them down or speed them up. Be with them exactly as they want to be. You can also scan your body from your toes, through your calves, thighs, pelvis, back, chest, and so on. What do your organs feel?
How are they in relation to space? You can listen to the sounds coming from outside. What do the senses perceive? If a thought or worry arises in us, we can let it come and then let it go, like leaves floating in the stream. Then return to the breath and the sensations of the body. You can continue this sitting as long as possible. Start with five minutes. That's fine. When you can, expand the time frame, all the
A little at a time. No achievement, no pressure, no criticism.
Studies show that practicing mindfulness contributes to a reduction in stress levels, an increase in happiness levels, improved concentration and performance, a reduction in repetitive negative thoughts, a reduction in irritability and aggression, an improvement in empathy and emotional intelligence, improved health, and a reduction in pain.
What more could we ask for in primary caregivers?
Don't hesitate to try.
