The double struggle of Mickey Berkowitz and his family: "It doesn't have to be this way"
- Dr. Nati Blum
- Became famous in Walla
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Mickey Berkowitz, Revital Gantz, and Bruce Willis are well-known people whose illnesses were kept away from the public for a period of time. Behind the concealment lies another struggle, one that many families of dementia patients are well aware of.
Mickey Berkowitz, one of the greatest basketball players Israel has ever known, has been battling dementia for about two and a half years. Throughout this entire period, the struggle has been kept within the family and out of the public eye. Now, in a television film broadcast on Keshet 12, his family has chosen to reveal his condition for the first time.
For the public, this is a surprising revelation about one of Israel's most recognizable athletes. For the family, however, the revelation marks a completely different point in a journey that began much earlier. For two and a half years, they not only accompanied a loved one struggling with a disease that gradually alters cognitive and functional abilities. They also carried with them a secret.
And this is a struggle I encounter again and again with families of people with dementia and Alzheimer's. Alongside the disease itself, a "second disease" sometimes arises: the need to hide it.
There are illnesses that we talk about almost naturally. But when the diagnosis is dementia or Alzheimer's, many families are at a loss. Who do we tell? What will they think? Will friends distance themselves? Will people start talking to the person differently? And most importantly, once those around them know, will the person we love stop being who they were in their eyes and simply become a "dementia patient"?
With a well-known person like Berkowitz, an additional dimension is added. This is a person whom the public has known for decades as a symbol of achievement, determination, and strength. He is not just a private person but a figure burned into the collective Israeli memory. It is precisely this gap that can make the decision whether to disclose the disease particularly difficult.
But Berkowitz and his family are not the only ones.
The secret the Gantz family kept for years
Just a few months ago, a similar story was revealed in Israel, when Benny Gantz told the "Uvda" program that his wife Revital was battling Alzheimer's. The diagnosis was made years earlier, when she was only 51, and the family kept the struggle away from the public for about six years.
Gantz described the moment he received the diagnosis as a turning point. He said he was told that the disease was already in a relatively advanced stage. Later, when asked about the process of separating from the woman he knew, he replied with a sentence that well illustrates the complexity of the disease: "This is not a separation. This beautiful woman is still here."
The exposure of the Gantz family and the Berkowitz family illustrates an important point: Exposure is not necessarily a waiver of privacy. Sometimes it is a renewed choice within the boundaries of privacy.
Instead of those around them guessing, whispering, or asking why a person who was active and well-known disappeared, the family can choose to tell the story themselves, in their own time, in their own words, and to the extent that suits them.
Bruce Willis: You can reveal and still keep
Another example comes from Bruce Willis' family. In 2022, his family announced that he was retiring from acting after being diagnosed with aphasia. A year later, they revealed a more precise diagnosis: frontotemporal dementia, or FTD.
Since then, the family has chosen a path that shows that there are only two options: hide everything or reveal everything. His wife Emma Heming Willis, his ex-wife Demi Moore, and his daughters occasionally share family moments and also talk about coping, but they do not turn every stage of the illness into a public event.
Just this month, Willis was seen in rare photos from his daughter Tallulah's wedding in Idaho, where he was seen alongside his daughter and her partner in an intimate family moment, more than three years after stepping away from the spotlight.
The family does not hide the reality, but neither does it allow the disease to become his only identity. The public can still see a father, a partner, a grandfather, and a loved one, and not just a "dementia patient."
And this is perhaps one of the most important lessons: you can talk about the disease without letting it erase the person.
The "double trouble" of concealment
Dementia is a complex family journey in any case. It gradually changes roles within the family, relationships, parent-child relationships, work, free time, and sometimes even the financial situation. Family members often become caregivers, medication administrators, companions, drivers, and decision makers.
And when the family chooses to hide, it takes on another role: managing the secret.
Fewer people know and therefore fewer people can offer help. Friends and colleagues may misinterpret a change in behavior or withdrawal. The caring spouse may be left without a place to talk freely. Families sometimes begin to avoid events and gatherings for fear that someone will notice. With a well-known person, there is also the fear of being photographed, rumored, or exposed beyond the family’s control.
This is the "double trouble": both living with an illness that cannot be eliminated, and also investing enormous energy in trying to hide it from the eyes of those around you.
You don't have to tell everyone, but you shouldn't be left alone.
It's important to say this clearly: A family is not required to disclose a medical diagnosis. Even a famous person does not lose their right to privacy the moment they become ill.
Therefore, the correct question is not "Why are you hiding?", but rather, does the concealment still protect you, or has it already become another source of difficulty?
You can choose circles of sharing. You can tell your close family, a few friends, neighbors or colleagues who can help. With a well-known person, you can also choose measured public exposure, without giving away any details and without opening the door to the house to everyone.
Bruce Willis' family showed that it is possible to say the name of the disease out loud and still set boundaries. The Gantz family, after many years, chose to turn a private struggle into an opportunity to raise awareness. And now the Berkowitz family is taking a similar step, after about two and a half years in which the disease remained within the family circle.
And this is the society we should strive for: not a society where every person with dementia is required to expose themselves, but a society where no family feels they have to hide.
Dementia is a disease, not a shame. If we can stop whispering that word, maybe we can make it a little easier not only for the people living with it, but also for the family members who are by their side on a journey that could last years.
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Dr. Nati Blum, who holds a doctorate in psychology from the University of Sacramento in the USA, is the CEO of EMDA , the association for dementia, Alzheimer's and similar diseases in Israel and their families.